Chapter 14
Welcome to Canada, Eh?
I figured that I either I was going crazy or Ghost Dad had followed me clear across the country. But I wasn’t going to wait any longer to find out. I scrapped my plans to stay in the Seattle area for a second day and was back on the road by 8 a.m. the next morning, destined for Vancouver. I arrived at the Canadian border a little before noon. The lines of cars waiting to exit the United States weren’t terribly long. My lane featured an overzealous border services officer, Officer Aaron, who may have gotten his training from one of the Police Academy movies.
“Do you have alcohol, firearms, or tobacco?” he barked as I pulled up to his booth.
“No, Officer A, eh? I left all that stuff back at the compound,” I said with a smile.
His face turned the color of a maple leaf. “Excuse me?” he asked.
“I was just being silly.”
“You were just being silly, what?”
“I was just being silly… sir?”
“That’s more like it.” He began to thoroughly inspect around and under my vehicle. “Did you drive all the way from California?”
“No, I just rented this in Portland, Oregon… sir.”
“What’s your purpose of the visit and where are you staying?”
“My father just died and I’m taking a little trip to Vancouver to honor his memory.” I had to make full use of the sympathy card in my back pocket.
“How did he die?”
“Terminal gonorrhea,” I said with a straight face. It was unthinkable that this guy had the audacity to ask me such a personal question.
His face turned to horror. “Seriously?” he asked, looking down at his crotch and then back up at me.
“No. It was suicide.”
“Wow,” he said, squirming in discomfort at hearing the “S” word. “You’re not going to do that up here, are you?”
“Only if I have to keep talking to you.”
“Alright, get out of here, eh.”
Douche. Bag.
After crossing the border, I drove a short spell through farm country and over a few large rivers until I found my way into downtown Vancouver, a beautiful and culturally diverse city that felt quaint and friendly despite its multipurpose high-rises, skyscrapers, and its half a million people. I explored as much of the city as I could and at the end of a late dinner, I went for a long walk at the edge of the waterfront. The moon was peering from behind some clouds, shining off of the seaplanes and oil tankers that were resting up for the night. The grunts and groans of two junkies fornicating on a sidewalk off in the distance made for a sweet melody that capped off the end of a magical night.
Back at my hotel and completely drained from a full day of walking, sightseeing, and a live junkie porn show, I promptly fell asleep, fully dressed in my travel clothes. While I slept, the brawny Specter of Scandinavia, my dead father, appeared to me yet again.
Chapter 15
No Escape
Once again, we were on opposite sides of the ravine. This time we were both seated cross-legged facing one another and he was crying. His tears flowed down into the gorge, causing the river to rise to the level at which we were sitting. As the water touched my toes, he placed his right hand in front of his chest and the words “TELL MY STORY” in black capital letters appeared above his outstretched palm again. But before I could question him, a strong gust of wind blew into my nostrils, causing me to choke and wake from my slumber.
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Thanks for playing y'all. To read more, pre-order your autographed copy at http://gospeljoshbook.eventbrite.com . 15% of proceeds go to The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention . Full release on September 24th, 2013.
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