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Oh, That’s Some Risky Business My Friend

In our daily walk as people, professionals (or anything else you identify as) we are all faced with opportunities—to grow or regress, to stay or to leave, to shiitake or get off the pot. 
Each opportunity great or small requires us to make a decision—often that decision is gauged on whether or not the outcome will benefit us and how much of a risk is involved. We’re naturally attracted to what’s more comfortable for us, but is what is most comfortable for us the best thing for us?
Not always. The achievement of comfort does not equal success. There needs to be a continual self awareness and a search for what we want out of our day, life and career. 
Maybe staying in that job allows for a nice apartment and cool toys, but following your passion and opening that car wash will support your long term needs as a career professional and as a wife/mother. The up front risk is great and nothing is guaranteed but the potential reward is so great you can’t and shouldn’t pass it up (Obviously your risks should be calculated and planned out. Don’t run blindly into risk because uncle Josh told you to.)
I’ve found when I’ve jettisoned relationships and jobs that weren’t right for me and sacrificed creature comforts and money in the short term, my long term goals and needs were met and I was able to achieve what was best for me. 
There’s always a risk in sharing this information because people might go out and take a risk and fail BUT there’s also a chance they may become inspired and go out and succeed or find out something about themselves that they never knew. Not sure what the odds are on your risk fail/success rate but for you I’m placing my bets on the latter. 

A Simple New Year’s Resolution that Will Easily Net Positive Results

The New Year is coming up and if you’ve been following this blog in what is now it’s third New Year, you’re aware of my distaste for New Year’s Resolutions.

However, if you’re going to make any resolutions— and it’s your life, you’re the boss :) — make this one:

Identify a person, someone who you think meeting would be unattainable, and reach out to them asking if you can have a conversation or even meet in person. 

This person you’re going to reach out to is: better than you at something, (currently) smarter than you at something, is the leader in something, or has a respected character or personal attribute.

You’re looking to surround yourself with someone who can help you raise your game in the game of life.

Can this person help you grow a better garden, strengthen your marketing, find a better job, or be a better spouse (hell, all of the above would be a “magical hole-in-one”)?

Once you identify this person and how they can help, try to find a way that you can help them—and it’s okay if you don’t find something, the point is you tried hard. 

Phone numbers can be more difficult to find but email addresses can usually be found through old press releases, web sites, Twitter, blogs, and so on. 

Offer the person to whom you’re reaching out your help, or send their office a gift basket, or offer a free meal face-to-face. 

Sometimes the person won’t want anything, and sometimes it’s nice to get a free meal :) But the point is you cared enough about the person, their time and energy, to make the offer. It will be appreciated and be seen as a karmic gesture or if “karma” is too hippie of a word for you, a friendly gesture from a good citizen of the world. 

Identify one stellar person and follow through in reaching out… then commit to repeating the process. Life will change for you in ways you never expected. We’re all in this together and most people are happy to help when they have the time.

Why Storytelling is So Important for: Speeches, Breaking Down Stigma, and Civil Rights

Whenever I’m feeling particularly uninspired or low, one of my favorite activities is to read the biography of someone famous and look for the part of their life story where they struggled. I find that I learn a lot more from a person’s low points (mine included) than their highlight reel of achievements. 
“If that woman can overcome her paraplegia to become a famous painter by using her teeth, then holy cow, I can do anything.” 
“That guy lost his wife and daughter in a car accident, fell into tremendous grief, rebounded and eventually found love again and became the Vice President of the United States—then, snap, I can keep fighting on too.”
When people give of themselves through the telling of their stories it makes the impossible in our lives tangible and attainable. 

Stories Break Down Stigma

The world becomes smaller. “That black guy,” “that lesbian-chick,” “that snarky-writer-guy who talks about suicide;” they all now have a name. David. Jamie. Josh. Each of these people has wants and needs, to live, to love, to survive and thrive… just like every other human being. 
Each person’s story displays its own beauty and with each the storyteller has the opportunity to uncover a piece of themselves—and by doing so they allow us to peel back and examine a layer of our own soul.

Stories are a Demand for our Civil rights. 

Once stigma is broken down because of the courage of the “abnormal” person telling their story, they are now viewed as a human being—they now have a seat at the proverbial table of equality. Jim Crow is repealed. Women’s suffrage is enacted. Mental health laws are passed that empower and aid people with illnesses rather than traumatizing or criminalizing them.

That’s the kind of world that I want to live in. 

Make it All Work Together

You have a million good ideas—whether they’re for homemaking, business, vacation, or anything in between—and maybe several great ideas… but realistically there is no way in the world you’ll be able to give your full attention to each one. 

Instead of going from idea to idea, it would be worth figuring out how to make two or more of your brilliant ideas work together. 
  • A three month work vacation in Iceland, slinging martinis? Sweet.
  • An opera themed ice-cream truck? Word up.
  • A living room that converts to a sauna? Rad.
  • A show that integrates music, cartoons, live theatre, and stand up comedy? Boo-yah.
Take a moment (okay, several). Breathe. And then think big. 

The “impossible” has turned into “i’m possible” thousands of times before throughout world history—why can’t it be you too?

The i'Mpossible Project …According to Samuel A. Simon (33)

This is the thirty-third edition of The i’Mpossible Project: A series where anyone can share a personal story of inspiration or an event in life where they overcame tremendous odds. Everyone has a powerful story to tell and something to teach the world. (See HERE for guidelines on how you can write for The i’Mpossible Project.) Here we have Samuel A. Simon with "The Ultimate Consummation of Our Love"

In the spring of 2000 Susan, my wife of thirty-three years was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It all started with her annual check-up and her internist saying she felt something “funny” in Susan’s right breast and the suggestion that she see a breast surgeon.

While I was surprised, I wasn’t alarmed.  It was going to be Susan’s fourth breast biopsy and unlike the three previous ones, this one was to be done as an outpatient procedure in a relatively new surgical center, now found in shopping centers everywhere.  

The surgeon literally skipped into the recovery room to tell us, “It’s just scar tissue from the old biopsy site—nothing to worry about. I’m sure of it.” I wasn’t so sure because we still needed to see a lab report. The call came three days later that the surgeon wanted to meet with Susan and me as soon as possible.

Like all of those moments in our lives that are unforgettable—where were you when President Kennedy was shot, or where you when the World Trade Center fell on 9-11— I remember the moment of that visit like it was yesterday.  “Stage 3,” he said, “because the size of the cancerous tissue, and because cancer was in both the ducts and the surrounding tissue.” As he was sketching out his explanation on an 8.5 x 11 lined piece of paper, I knew immediately what it meant. I knew in the deepest part of my soul that this was going to be a journey to the end.

Susan’s mother died from breast cancer at the age of fifty-six and Susan was now fifty-four. My mother died from breast cancer that had metastasized to her brain seven years after the mastectomy.  I understood that the outcome for Susan was grim.

What happened next is difficult to explain and something I couldn’t say out loud for thirteen years. How was I going to be able to be with Susan through the end-of-her days? How would I be able to dance the last dance with my wife?

And that is how I imagined the moment.  Susan and I standing together in the center of a grand ballroom with a fabulous orchestra, surrounded by everyone we had ever met, not just our friends and family, but all the generations from before us and I wondered if in that mass of people wouldn’t also be the generations yet to come.  As the orchestra played the song we loved the most – Unchained Melody – Susan’s breath would become slower and softer.  The dance would become more intense and the breathing would become even slower and shallower.  Then the dance would end. The music would stop. 
I tried to suppress what I feared might be hallucinations of being in a ballroom as I committed to be with Susan through the surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments.  Despite my classical aversion to bloody messes – hell, I rarely changed our kids’ diapers – I knew I had to be with Susan throughout this entire process.  I slept in the hospital room all the way through her double-mastectomy.  I held that small, semi-circular pan when she was ill from the anesthesia.  I learned how to empty those small plastic bulbs that hung off each breast filled with a red liquid. I even became optimistic when the surgeon told us there was no cancer in Susan’s lymph nodes.

That optimism was shattered first when the surgeon had to correct himself when the lab test showed that there was extensive cancer in the lymph nodes.  Seventeen nodes tested.  Ten showed cancer.  Second, and most dramatically, the oncologist we selected during his first exam of Susan found a lump – post mastectomy – on Susan’s chest at the incision point.  We were urgently referred back to the surgeon who scheduled a procedure one week later to remove the new lump.

At that point I had once again accepted the inevitability of Susan’s journey, and now could feel the time arriving much sooner than anyone could have possibly predicted.  I needed help. My first effort was to talk to our Rabbi. Rather than making an appointment during business hours and visiting in a formal counseling session, I just showed up one night as she was getting ready to go home.  She graciously invited me in to her office as she was packing up, but her session with me missed the mark.  She tried to empathize by anticipating my sadness at the prospect of being a widower with grandchildren whom my wife would never get to know.

My next outreach was to a psychiatrist whom I had seen periodically through my adult life, especially as I was going through life transitions. It was he who helped by simply saying that my elegantly constructed ballroom dance was a metaphor for the process of being with the person I loved most in this world through her end-of-life—and he said it was beautiful.  Those words and that session were magical.  It had never occurred to me that the “dance” could be beautiful.  I feared it as tragic and devastating.  I do not know if it was just his words or if it was my own readiness but the session had a dramatic effect on me.  It enabled me to understand that “The Actual Dance” was filled with beauty and dignity and that it would be the ultimate consummation of our, Susan and my, love for each other.

As it turned out, the lump turned out to be a rare water cyst. Susan, despite falling into a very high-risk category, survived and continues to thrive—as does our love and our dance.

* * *
Samuel A Simon is the playwright of The Actual Dance, a one-man show about his journey with Susan during her breast cancer.  His original career was that of lawyer and businessman working as a national recognized member of the consumer movement.  In this his third career, he performs, writes and speaks about the role of the love partner in caring for those facing terminal illness.
The Actual Dance is coming to New York City to help transform the Way People Live and Love in the Face of Cancer… and the show needs your help. The mission of The Actual Dance is that Everyone Who Needs to See the Show Be Able to See it.
Learn more about how you can help with a tax-deductible contribution and more here:
Why is this "The i’Mpossible Project?
Inspired by Josh Rivedal's book and one-man show The Gospel According to Josh: A 28-Year Gentile Bar Mitzvah. Gospel (non-religious) means "Good News" and Josh's good news is that he's alive, and thriving, able to tell his story and help other people.
On his international tour with his one-man show, he found incredible people who felt voiceless or worthless yet who were outstanding people with important personal stories waiting to be told. These personal stories changed his life and the life of the storyteller for the better. 
Josh's one-man show continues through 2015 and beyond and he is looking for people in all walks of life, online and offline, to help give them a voice and share their stories with the world.

Just Because it Doesn’t Work Now Doesn’t Mean it Won’t Work Later

As I was writing my first book The Gospel According to Josh... I saved every word and paragraph that I had cut from every draft. Each time I went back through to write another draft, I would look at the document of cuts and use it as inspiration to find a better idea for a word, paragraph, or idea that I couldn’t have found previously.
It dawned on me today that I should (and will) do this with all of my work. I’ll be writing down all ideas and all “failures” or things I’ve done that didn’t work. I’ll use this document of ideas and “failures” as inspiration for something that can work now or in the future.

Life is about constant editing anyway.

Just because it doesn’t work now doesn’t mean it won’t work later.

It’s Not About You, It’s About Them

It’s not about you, it’s about them.

They’re not disappointed in you, but in the outcome.

Your sales pitch isn’t about what you can get but the solution (gift) you can provide.

The “no” they say to your idea isn’t a personal attack on your very being, but their perception as to why your idea doesn’t work for them (yet).

We make the mistake in thinking that the interaction is all about us. And why wouldn’t we—it has a lot to do with our animal instincts toward self preservation and survival. 

But we, you and I, would be much better off creating ideas and offering of ourselves with three things in mind: 

1) My offering or idea should always benefit the other person or the larger group 
2) Because it’s not entirely about me, neither is the other person’s reaction to my offering (chill—it’s all good) 
3) By benefiting the other person or larger group it, in turn, benefits me. 

I Cannot Fail Therefore

At some point—whether it’s a college application essay, a job interview question, or part of an obnoxious board game—the question will come up: “If you knew you couldn’t fail what would you do?”

All sorts of answers come up: “Sail around the world,” “Ask Taylor Swift out,” “Be great at this job/school (very original, thanks)” and so on. 

The question is probably asked to learn about someone’s personality and what makes them tick. But there isn’t much hope to learn about a person’s truest self because they shouldn’t be asked the question in the first place. 

The question should be reframed as a statement. “I cannot fail therefore…” Think about that and take it beyond the college application essay or job interview. Take the statement with you everywhere you go.

“I cannot fail therefore…”

Therefore what?
  • The possibilities for me are limitless
  • The hurt from falling on my face is temporary
  • Failure is a lesson
  • I can start learning to play tuba at fifty years old
  • I can ask for a promotion at work
  • I can ask that person I like out for coffee (or peppermint tea if I have to)
Anything is possible—except failure.  

Comparing Oneself to Another’s Highlight Reel: The Prizes and the Pitfalls

So you want to change the world, begin a new project, grow your existing project, fill in the blank… basically you want to take action and do something. 

But how to begin?

There are several ways one can begin—one of them is as equally helpful as it is dangerous. 

Finding someone or many someones in the world who are doing something similar to my goal, idea, or project. 

Bam. Easy enough.

Why it’s helpful: I can find out if there is a demand for what I’m about to endeavor upon, the archetypes for people who might like what I’m doing, and what might work and what might not in building goal/idea/project. 

Why it’s dangerous: There’s a trap here and that is to compare yourself to someone else’s highlight reel. You want to be the next greatest food truck chef/entrepreneur. You take a look at some of the food truck folks firmly established all over the U.S. You think to yourself: “Chef X has ten trucks from L.A. to New York City, has her own line of BBQ sauces, is always on TV, and pulls in loads of cash every year—I don’t know if or how I’ll ever attain that level of greatness—maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I’ll never be good enough, maybe I shouldn’t even try.”

That kind of thinking might seem a little extreme but it happens on one level or another and quite often.

The other kind of thinking that goes along with the highlight reel comparison is: “Well, it’s easier for (fill in the blank: women, men, Hispanic, old, young etc.) to get on TV with their food truck recipes. Of course I’m not doing well.” It’s the conditional statement “If I only had X, then Y would happen,” which gives a person the opportunity to let themselves off the hook for not trying, not fighting, or not doing their best.

The last piece of danger to be forewarned about the highlight reel comparison business is that it doesn’t ever completely go away. You just have to learn how to tame it. 


Everyone has a different set of circumstances and rules to adhere to in how they grew up, how their brain operates, who they know and the relationships they have developed. It may look like a person has it easy (at a certain level it’s important to make “it” look easy) but they are dealing with factors that you and I know nothing about.

You can always learn from a person’s success but you can’t replicate it. Take what you like and leave the rest. Rinse and repeat with other *successful people.  
*successful in whatever area in which you’re looking to grow: a friendship, work/life balance, business, skills as a mechanic
The beginning of any project, idea, or goal is to some extent necessity, but there has to be joy and love for the craft and the process, what it is and what it could become. 

Be patient, be generous in action and in spirit, and keep at it.

Look up once in awhile to learn from others, while not allowing yourself to become enamored with the shiny, encrusted jewel that is their success. You’ll never be able to have the jewel that they’ve created for themselves. You’re creating and refining your own jewel and so far it’s shaping up to be a real beauty.

It’s All a Rehearsal

The more refined rehearsals are often ones that people (customers, audience, clients) will pay for—a Billy Joel concert, an inbound marketing workshop, a root canal procedure.

There are varying stages of what other rehearsals look like: a backyard reading, a rehearsal studio, a Google Hangout On Air, a product pitch in a board meeting, two weeks of Broadway previews, and yes, even the shower. 

Each is an opportunity to learn, to listen, to refine. 

We’ll never get what we’re aiming to do completely perfect or just right, but that isn’t the point of the exercise anyway. The point is to refine the product, the idea, the service as much as possible—reducing as much friction as possible in the attempt to get it in the hands of the people who need it. 

And if you weren’t able to refine it, to sand it down, to make it sleek enough this time… you’ll do it next time. 

Be patient (I’m reminding myself too), be generous in action and in spirit, and keep at it. It’s all going to be fine. It’s just a rehearsal. 

The Butterfly Effect of Male Suicide (My latest feature from HuffPost)

*This article is my own, originally published in the Huffington Post, 10/16/2014
In early 1941, a man named Haakon joined up with the 35th Squadron of His Majesty's Royal Air Force to fight the Nazis. He served as a tail gunner and flew on many missions including the bombing of Paris. In late 1941, Haakon was shot down over Hamburg, Germany. His face was scraped up and he was struck three times in the back of his neck by shell fragments. He would soon get promoted to 1st Lieutenant and serve the majority of the rest of the war in York, England teaching advanced tactics to members of the Royal Canadian Air Force.
Haakon returned to the United States, got a job as a mason, was married, and had two children. He would later suffer from undiagnosed post traumatic stress disorder from his time in the war. In 1966, just shy of his fiftieth birthday, he died by suicide.
I, a 30-year-old American man, didn't know any of these details about my grandfather until recently when I stumbled upon old newspapers online. We didn't talk about Haakon when I was a child because my father, Haakon's son, was ashamed of the way Haakon died and kept him a secret.
The stigma of Haakon's death loomed over my father for his entire life, and in 2009 my father took his own life at the age of 60 while going through a divorce with my mother.
In 2011, after my father's death, a falling out with my mother, and a bad break up; I nearly took my life as well. Not wanting to die and knowing my two predecessors didn't speak up; I finally opened up and got help.
Statistically speaking, people who have had suicides in their family are at greater risk to make a suicide attempt. I can't help but think that if Haakon's story hadn't included his time in the Royal Air Force; then Douglas might not have died, and my story would look different as well. You can't change the past but you can create your future, and so I wanted to go back to where it all began-the United Kingdom.
For years, I've been inching to get to the bottom of male suicide - not just an American thing or a British thing, but a problem worldwide. Statistically in the US and UK, men above 50 years of age have a high rate of suicide - roughly 75% of suicides in both the US and UK are male and worldwide there is an average of one suicide per forty seconds. I wanted to know what we could do to prevent that. To do so I interviewed Dr. Max Mackay-James, a doctor based in the UK, who founded Conscious Ageing Trust and Men Beyond 50.
Q1: Is suicide learned-behaviour or is it truly preventable?
A1: It is preventable - there is nothing inevitable about suicide. Every suicide involves a choice, and in every case the choice can go either way. In any moment we can decide to kill ourselves, or we can choose to stay alive.
Every man or woman alive has more than likely had the thought, however fleeting, that in this moment, in this situation, he or she could choose to kill him or herself. That's okay - it's a thought comes with simply being human. But we have a choice and help and hope does exist in this world.
Whether you're in crisis or if you want to help someone in crisis - it's important to develop the feeling of being vulnerable, especially us men. Why? Because it allows us to feel empathy for others so we look out for each other more, but even more important it gives us compassion for ourselves. We men get into the habit of thinking we are invulnerable, and it's simply not the case.
Q2: What is it about men aged 50+ that causes risk for suicide?
A2: The way men are brought up to believe what it takes to "be a man" may add to the risks. When traditional expectations of men about power and control no longer work in today's society, intense feelings of shame, disgrace, and sense of personal failure can result in potentially self-destructive behaviour.
Loneliness and isolation can increase the risks of suicide. Research on male social networks shows that both 30+ and 50+ men may have fewer supportive relationships, and that (compared with women) men may lack skills and experience in coping emotionally.
Q3: How can we lend a hand to men aged 50+ in crisis of thinking of suicide?
A3: Simply remember to stay in touch with a feeling of vulnerability. Don't judge, don't panic, and don't feel you have to be an expert. Being open to this feeling of vulnerability will give us a good chance to help somebody thinking seriously about suicide.
Since mental illness is so common in suicides, the "canary" warning sign is likely to be depression. So being able to recognise this (see signs of depression HERE), and letting that person talk especially in a time of deep unhappiness or distress can make all the difference. Giving our own emotional support and signposting somebody to get appropriate and timely professional help can and does help prevent suicides.
UK Resources:
Helplines and support groups
Samaritans (08457 90 90 90)
A 24-hour service available every day of the year.
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) (0800 58 58 58)
A resource and helpline for young men who are feeling unhappy.
Silver Line (0800 4 70 80 90)
A helpline providing information, friendship and advice to older people
Josh and Dr. Max are working together around International Men's Day on 19 November, to break the taboo on men talking about depression, mental health, and suicidal thoughts. To join the conversation click here, or go; and

The Problem with the Phrase “Instead of Complaining… Do Something About It” — When Talking About Making Massive, Societal Change

I. To create massive change many people think someone else is going to do it. Hypothetically, the problem affects thousands if not millions of people, and someone else is going to be so pissed off about it, that they’ll be the one to solve it… but not me.

I’m certainly guilty of that on some points: campaign finance reform, the de-unionization of some of my acting work, and getting people to stop saying Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like regular Dr. Pepper (it doesn’t).

II. People think they lack the time to make change.
This is often an invisible script in a person’s head. One person taking ten minutes a day to create change might not seem effective (it is). But when that one person can inspire hundreds, thousands, or millions to take ten minutes a day… now we’re getting somewhere.

III. In the very beginning of a change movement, the two prototypes of people needed (in this order):

1) A person who has an idea to make change, who is willing to follow through, and who is willing to rally and inspire the troops as it were.
2) Someone who wields social influence. A celebrity, a queen (not that kind of queen… but maybe actually!), a well-respected person within the community. This person will affect the masses (social proof), telling them that person 1’s idea is brilliant and worthy of implementation.
Note: Point number “2” can take lots of different forms (including that person undeservedly getting a lion’s share of the credit for the work) and the person or persons from point number “1” must stuff their ego for the greater good of getting the job done.

IV. People (non-celebrities) who want to make change in an area where there is a vacuum for strong leadership, think that they have to be the leader or the idea person to make change, when neither of these qualities (leader or idea person) truly suits them.

Not true. A non-leader or non-idea person can affect change by keeping the candle for change lit until a leader and/or idea person steps to the forefront—OR they can help create the search to find the leader and/or idea person.

There is a role for everyone to affect change at some point during the movement: the seamstress, the accountant, the beer master (yea!), the wet nurse, the mechanic.

V. Humans often need to be backed in a corner, away from comfort and toward danger or discomfort, before they will work to create positive change

1) This could be a reason why multi-million dollar athletes often invent or hype up words said by an opposing player, or the coach who cut them from the team in the third grade. On a human level, they have all of their creature comforts… but if they don’t stay motivated, they won’t be able to get better as a player or score their next big contract.
2) How much are we willing to take before things get bad and we’re backed into a corner?

* * *
In fact, what I presented are not really problems with the phrase “Instead of Complaining… Do Something About It;”  but problems that exist because we humans put them there, unnecessarily so. Our species is incredibly resilient, smart, and resourceful.
Things haven’t always been this way. Someone or something else affected change to become this way. You are part of this incredibly resilient, smart, and resourceful species as well—meaning you, too have the ability to create that change you want to see in the world.

Instead of Working so Hard to Avoid Failure, How About Turning it on Its Head

Failure is inevitable, it’s to be expected—so we create a contingency plan for it, we find ways to learn from it and come back stronger… essentially learning how to become masters of failure. 

Bear with me on this metaphor for a hot second. Failure is a bump in the road that we need to learn to navigate our vehicle on, around, or through. Preparing for this bump could be buying or creating a new map, driving slower, souping up your vehicle’s tires, or building or buying a massive super-vehicle.

In the real world, moving away from the vehicle/bump-in-the-road metaphor; there are at least thousands of ways to prepare. I could certainly, but won’t (the audience collectively sighs in relief), write about all the combinations and permutations—but the only thing to do here is talk about mindset.

You can control how you respond to failure (even if you don’t know how to respond specifically just yet). Knowing, conceptually at least, that you’re not a failure if you fail, even repeatedly; is a great first step. But as par for the course, you will have to tell yourself often that you’re not a failure—depending on how big your risks are and often you’re taking them—weekly, daily, or hourly.

I know I certainly do… and I don’t know if that will ever go away. There are always bigger fish to fry (or larger chunks of seitan, I suppose for my non-meat eating friends).

Despite the variety of different circumstances, the need and developing a mindset to adequately prepare for failure is the one catch all.

There is no bad news here, only good news. Preparing for and then dealing with failure does get easier. Failure does involve some pain but so does the deliberate numbing of pain as well (just delayed and more intense). 

Planning for failure, (grasping it and then wrestling it to the ground) makes the impossible, “I’M” possible, or if you prefer it less cutesy... the impossible becomes possible.

Look for more posts on failure and developing contingencies, and creating powerful possibilities. 

The Physics of Making a Big Splash

So, I was totally going to write something cute here, analogizing weather systems with making a big splash in the world. But heat and condensation and salt in the air, was just too damn complicated.

But I’ve been ruminating on and even studying folks in the world whom I respect, who have or are making big splashes in the world. While there are a great deal of variables and outside influences that can affect a person’s message and intent, there are a few basic elements that one can muster up internally to help give their message and intent some momentum to become a big splash.
  1. Recognize a problem or issue
  2. Become educated on it
  3. State educated opinion (or solution) on how to solve problem
  4. Refine the opinion/solution by stating in such a way that’s unique to your voice (this involves risk because you might look stupid, brash, or _Fill in the blank_ with any other negative connotation you’re afraid others might label you as)
  5. Persistence
  6. Consistency on follow through
  7. Willingness to be adaptable (and wrong)
Bullet #4 is where I’m most interested at the moment. Most people, including myself at times, are so damn afraid to be wrong or mislabeled; that they’re unwilling to state any kind of opinion that goes against traditionally held beliefs.  

Many politicians (not naming names, that’s not the point of this) after a big televised debate find themselves scrutinized for this kind of behavior, that they “played it too safe.” They might even find that they can get elected this way—but reelection could be a difficult task, or more importantly, the long-term sustainable change needed on behalf of their constituents is unattainable.

Much of the friction a person will experience is when their solution or opinion is presented in a bold or innovative voice, uniquely their own.
Looking at them objectively as a movement and for purposes of “making a splash” —entire religions (again, not naming names) are based on a few people with bold messages presented in unique ways. Yes, there was friction (boy was there friction) but it was out of this friction where the longterm change occurred (objectively not labeling it as “good” or “bad” or anything else for the purposes of this exercise).

Practice expressing an opinion somewhere, anywhere—controlled groups on Facebook, get togethers with your school’s alum, Sunday dinner. 
You’ll be refining your voice, which is so important for your longterm health and for the world (not an overstating that at all); you’ll be readying yourself to make that big splash; and you’ll be actively searching for solutions to important issues.

A list of several folks who have gone on to state an opinion consistently with their unique voice, thereby changing the world or even a little piece of it:

Giving Extra—The Greatest Gift You Can Give to Yourself

In the space where you give extra than what’s asked or required—that’s where true growth and achievement begins.

Most people who are going after the same or similar goal as you—whether it’s job-related, entrepreneurial, or even charitable—they won’t put in the same kind of effort you do. Within the space of “extra” you give yourself an advantage—you now have a more chances for trial an error to find the solution that works for you.

Recently I was brought in my an organization to give an extra few speeches above and beyond our already agreed to fee structure. On top of that it was for a group I had never presented to before—juvenile offenders in lockup. Though giving these extra speeches could proved exhausting due to my already tight schedule, I said “yes” because I like the organization and because these kids don’t have many people in their lives who’ve advocated for them.

Fast forward and after finishing up the speeches at the juvenile detention center, these kids “got” my message. Most, if not all were grateful for someone coming in to talk to them as human beings. And some shook my hand while others shared private wants and wishes for themselves.

Beyond the altruism and the great feeling I had giving my gifts to these kids, I also gained some insight and some things for myself. 1) It made me realize how much we need to advocate for everyone in society and not just the people who can yell the loudest (these kids are easily forgotten), 2) I made a contact and will more than likely get booked back at that center and the centers in the surrounding areas, 3) this is a population that I need and will be trying to reach all over the country—and another way to spread my message.

Because I gave extra, I got so much in return—new insights, new contacts, and perhaps even more bookings/more income. 

Yes it’s tiring, yes you’re short on time, yes you’ve been burned before. Nevertheless, look for those little places where you can give a little extra… and you’ll soon find a huge payoff in a multitude of ways. 

Inside: The Single Most Valuable Tool in the World… with Special Guests Kelly Wilson and James Earl Jones

One of the most difficult things to do in this world is for a person to explain themselves in an effective, efficient, and generous way so the listener comes away changed and realizes that there’s “something in it” for them as much as you do. 

Poor communication and explanation are the seeds that germinate into war, divorce, a failed product launch, and even when good intentions can cause pain.  

If you don’t understand it—your job, your book, your point—no one will. 

First, there’s got to be a common thread between what you’re saying, the other person, and what you want them to understand. The sound of your voice, as  charming and melodic as it is (I’m talking to you James Earl Jones); isn’t enough hold a person’s attention to listen with intent… well, unless you’re James Earl Jones. 

Search for a starting point that’s going to make the person perk up their ears, whatever it is. Kelly Wilson describes what that moment was like when she had to explain something to her young son dealing with a disability. It’s brilliant, it marries the person and professional, and it’s HERE.

A) Keep it as brief as possible, B) remove the jargon, and C) give people the space to ask questions and understand on their own and in their own way. 

It’s that last part “C” that’s truly the most difficult and for several reasons

1) Often when people ask questions there is something else, unsaid and affected by the person’s frame of reference, attached to the question: fear, mistrust; or even as simple as lack of vocabulary. 

2) Part of what you’re doing when you’re giving people the space to ask questions and think things through—you’re also reading their body language and tone of voice for clues to help you explain yourself better or refine your message.
“I’m sensing by your tone of voice you might be skeptical.”
“I’m sensing by your arms crossed that you might be closed off to the idea.”

Then you get to ask why or go deeper on what you’re trying to expound upon. In some cases you won’t get another chance so A) you’ll learn to explain differently off the bat, or B) you can try again later in a different way, or C) you’ll learn that you need to learn more about the very thing you’re trying to explain 

3) Helping people understand on their own and in their own way. This is something that people aren’t used to. If someone is in trouble or doesn’t understand, we want to fix the issue. But the problem is, we try to fix it in a way that makes sense to us, and not to the other person. You might find that it’s easier for you, for a variety of reasons to get to the highway using route A or the scenic route; but the other person might find using route B, the speedy route, is faster. Neither route is wrong for each respective person—each route leads to the highway—but give a person a route that makes little to no sense to them; and they may never get to the highway or worse, they’ll never try.

How do we give a person the space to understand on their own and in their own way? We listen both for verbal cues and for physical cues. Silence is great. People don’t often think well with a bunch of noise and demands on top of their thoughts. Asking questions is brilliant. “How can I help you understand this better?” “What part of this makes the least sense?” “Where did I lose you?”
The questions are great because you’re asking for instructions, you’re asking for permission from the other person rather than making demands (“no, you don’t get it, it’s like this” “listen to me explain it again”)—which is always a better way to approach a person. 

If you want to sell that idea, make peace in the home, or help that person in crisis—try switching up or refining the way you explain yourself… but make it work for you in your own way. Take the words I wrote with a grain of salt, using the parts of it that work best for you (if any), while leaving the rest. 

And yes, I’m aware of the irony that someone might read this and not understand it. And to you I ask, what part of this was difficult to understand and how can I explain it better? 

Many thanks

Recycling: An Asset For Inventors, A Time-Saver for Soccer Moms

Recycling isn’t only for the environmentally conscious do-gooder or your town’s sanitation department—it’s for the person strapped for time, energy, resources or ideas. 

Recyclable (intangible) Items:

  • A method that stopped working years ago
  • An idea that at one point you had no time for
  • A concept that, so far, has only made partial sense

There’s a good chance that within a new context, these recyclable items could serve an indispensable purpose for whatever it is your looking to do or achieve. 

On a tangible level, think about the repurposing of clothing or home goods at a thrift or Goodwill store; a garage sale, or an antique shop. To take it to an extreme, yet cliched phrase—one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Why take all that time and energy to reinvent the wheel, when what you have is shiny plastic and all you’re truly looking to create is a hubcap?  

Your Frustration is a Great Thing

So you’re not (entirely) happy about where you are with your career, your life, your family, your business, your fill in the blank

It’s a huge pain in the mild expletive. How and when are you—when am I—going to finally get there?

Bad news: I’m not really sure when things are going to finally change for you or me. The tarot card people and the Nostradamus society both kicked me out for not truly having “the gift.”

Good news: It’s a great sign that you’re frustrated and thinking about how and when things are going to change for you for the better.

Can you imagine if you thought to yourself, “things kinda suck right now,” and then thought, “screw it, I’ll just accept it as fate and be miserable.”

Hell no! Knowing that circumstances can be changed for the better in your life, being upset about it, and working to change those circumstances—that is living life, and a robust one at that.

There’s not a good book, play, film, or 13th century descriptive tapestry; that doesn’t have a story with a protagonist that wins or lives “happily ever after” without obstacles and push-back. 

Get your sword out (be gentle with it), get your army together, and slay* that dragon.
*Slay it with mentors, friends, “I’m sorries,” market research, clever strategy, strategic alliances, and/or the discovery or invention of a new weapon you never knew existed.

Keep hustling and fighting through the frustration. You’re not where you want to be but you’re getting closer. 

Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail

Recently I had some serious lower back pain for the second time ever and in less than one year. It was so bad I could barely walk and when I did my torso was at a 30 degree angle to the ground (it was a little funny to look at). 

The first time I had the back pain, I was like “I’m about to turn thirty and I’m too young for this—it’ll never happen again.”

What I should have done the first time, was trace my steps back to find out how I got hurt. Then take notes every day I was in pain, figuring out what activities helped and what hurt. Finally I could have ventured to learn preventative measures against future back pain.

Days, months, and weeks are full of patterns that often repeat themselves. Instead of digging deep to create contingencies, crisis prevention plans, or damage control procedures—the idea that “this will never happen again so everything is all good” permeates.

Living in the moment is wonderful and a critical part of life; but planning for a future, whatever the outcome, is a must.

The good news is our primitive brains already know how to do this. You learned not to put your hand into an open flame, not to walk into moving traffic, and when to fight or fly.

But now it’s time to move past the primitive brain and take planning to a higher level—looking for patterns, refining the edges, and using the negative energy and processes against themselves. This is your Jedi training.

Repercussions of the Hesitant Trapeze Artist

During a paid performance, the flying trapeze artist who flinches before she leaps is the flying trapeze artist who ends up breaking a leg (not in the good, show business way). 

The way to avoid the hesitating flinch is… trust (duh, Josh).

The way to build the trust is rehearsal. Hundreds if not thousands of attempts to leap off of boards into the arms of a partner or the bar of a trapeze, several stories above the ground with a net underneath. 

Back to trust. Know that the infrastructure you set up for yourself and the weeks you spent on rehearsal and preparation are good enough. Trust that your muscle memory is strong and the neuropaths within your brain are prepared for numerous outcomes.

Don’t flinch… go all in. Put away the technique from rehearsal and act in the present (not the future of “what might be” or the past of “what was”).  

The Secret Voodoo Behind the World’s Greatest Innovations

Sometimes it’s better to sell and convince based on your intent… and then work like hell to deliver what you promised.

The psychology behind the commitment you made (see: the book Influence by Robert Cialdini) will be too strong a motivator for you to give up or do anything but keep your promise. You’ll do anything and everything in your power to see that you succeed. 

Selling and promising on intent is the secret voodoo behind some (if not all) of the world’s greatest innovations. It brings the impossible to I’Mpossible…