This is the forty-seventh edition of The i’Mpossible Project: A series where anyone can share a personal story of inspiration or an event in life where they overcame tremendous odds. Everyone has a powerful story to tell and something to teach the world. (See HERE for guidelines on how you can write for The i’Mpossible Project.) Here we have Cynthia Forget with Ten Years After Diagnosis
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It’s here! September 25, 2015. That’s ten
years from the day I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It’s hard to
believe it’s been that long, and yet in some ways it seems like a life-time
ago. And it really was. It was a different life before I got sick.
Trouble is, bipolar disorder has stolen so
many of my memories. It’s hard to visualize my life before my illness. It has
taken over that much. I remember big picture things rather than details. For
example, I know we were a happy family—my husband and two children. We did a
lot of typical family stuff. We did them together. That means I actually
participated in activities and outings. Once I was sick that didn’t happen
often.
When I was diagnosed my children were only
11 and 6. My illness made a huge impact on my family, my marriage, my career
and my life. When I was manic I wasn’t around much. I was out being
busy—shopping, partying, working on projects or anything else that was an
energy release. Unfortunately, little of that energy was spent at home.
When I was home, it was usually because I
was depressed. And if I was depressed I was in bed. And I stayed there. Not
moving for days, weeks, even months on end. My children became used to seeing
me in that state. To them I was just sad. And it was sad. I missed out on so
much—so did they.
But throughout it all, somehow I managed to
instill in them my values and I was able to be there for them emotionally.
Though I wasn’t able to do all the typical mothering type things like
volunteering at school, going on field trips, driving them to friends’ houses,
helping with homework, etc., etc., I did what I believe to be even more
important. I nurtured them. I groomed them for life. I taught them
unconditional love.
Before bipolar I actually had a life. I had
friends. I had a career. I was a fun person to be around. I think I was happy.
I was a companion to my husband in every way. We went out often. We talked a
lot. We laughed a lot. We were very much
a couple and had an active social life. That all changed. In addition to
bipolar disorder, I struggle with general anxiety and social anxiety. That
keeps me away from most things and most people.
In the time that has passed I’ve learned a
lot about bipolar disorder. I have researched the subject beyond what you could
imagine. I have applied much of what I have learned. And as the time has passed
I have discovered better ways of coping and better ways of predicting and even
preventing future episodes. I’ve had to adjust my lifestyle considerably. My
life is now a fragment of what it used to be. But I’m okay with that. Most
days.
In the ten years that have passed I’ve
tried countless medications and even more combinations and doses. I’m probably
in the best place I’ve been since this all started. But this illness does not
rest and it does not stay the same. It changes with brain chemistry. It changes
with situations. Even though my days are mostly good right now, I remain on
guard knowing that my mood can fluctuate at a moment’s notice.
I’m not bitter. I don’t hate that I have
bipolar disorder. It has taught me a lot. I has given me strength. There are
many ways I can still find happiness. But any way you slice it, I’m not the
same person I was ten years ago. My husband misses me. I miss me.
---
Cynthia Forget was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 2005 and has
since been through a myriad of experiences, doctors and treatments. Ten years
later, she is now relatively stable—as stable as one can be with Bipolar Disorder.
She is lucky enough to have a psychiatrist who actually listens to her. She
uses writing as therapy and through Facebook, Twitter,
and her own on-line blog (http://cynthiaforget.weebly.com),
she is a strong advocate for those with Bipolar Disorder.
——
You can find more stories like Cynthia's in The i’Mpossible Project: Reengaging With Life, Creating a New You, now available for pre-order. 50 authors. 50 inspirational stories of overcoming tremendous obstacles.
Read a few sample chapters HERE.
The first 200 people to pre-order will get a “thank you” in the front of the book, and a free copy of the book The Gospel According to Josh: A 28-Year Gentile Bar Mitzvah.
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