I find that when I read online or on blogs about people going through difficult times*, the focus is rarely on, “How did I get to this place?” but rather how bad the situation is at the moment and how to remove yourself from that situation: a bad relationship, a horrible boss, an uneasy work situation, or an uncomfortable circumstance that will require confrontation.
*Difficult times: in no way, shape, or form am I referring to a genetic disorder in a person’s brain or physical makeup, nor am I referring to traumatic events where a person forces their will on another person. I’m referring to something that, in part, involves a choice.
I even do the same thing: a bad contract, a sour business relationship, an argument with a friend. I look at the negative component of each and try to figure out how to remove myself.
But really, how did I get to this place? I chose that friendship and, in part, I chose not to set certain boundaries. Why? Why did I let that business partner rope me into working seven days a week? I wanted to associate myself with XYZ company but six months later I know they’re just using me. Did I rush into this? Why?
Even if this _fill in the blank_bad scenario is only 10% my fault, what can I do in that 10% margin to change for the better?
To resolve the situation at this moment, you must focus on the level of severity and then find a way to remove yourself. That’s a great thing. But asking the “why” makes sure that you don’t repeat your mistakes on a regular basis.
You once set an intention to get to where you are now, so why not set that same intention to learn “why” so you can: make the best of this situation, leave, learn something from this situation, never repeat this again, or transform this situation.