How to Handle Major Change

The old adage, “the only constant in life is change,” may be trite but it’s true. One of the greatest gifts one can receive while going through major change is the gift of perspective. Perspective isn’t just “maintain a positive attitude.” Perspective can be achieved by acknowledging what is going well in your life even while things are in upheaval. Daily gratitude has also been proven to change the chemistry of the brain for the better, and is another tool to give perspective. Perspective can also be achieved when we're in the constant pursuit of knowledge, self-education, and learning new skills. Sometimes when major change or even multiple major changes come our way, it’s tempting to think “why is this happening to me?” But I would challenge you to reframe and choose the mindset that everything is not happening for me and not to me. You might not get to choose what life throws your way but you can choose how you respond, search for a lesson to be learned, and work to make meaning from the difficult change or changes you are going through.

Creating a Mental Nutrition Plan

Many of us are familiar with a nutrition plan that involves food and exercise. But not nearly as many are familiar with the idea of creating a nutrition plan for the health of your brain and mental state. If you want your brain and your life to be running at peak performance, then it’s a good idea to create a mental nutrition plan for yourself. And think about it much like the food pyramid that was so popular back in the 1980s and 90s. There are 6 major mental nutrition “food groups.” 

1. Things you consume which can include food, supplements, alcohol, drugs. 
2. Relaxation activities or self-care. 
3. Reflection. 
4. Energetic activities or exercise. 
5. Service based activities. 
6. Your support system.

After creating your mental nutrition plan, check in with it and check in with yourself on a weekly basis. What part of the plan were you consistent with and how are you feeling based on the actions you took? If you need to adjust and find that you need to spend 10% more time on self-care and 5% less time on reflection during the week then go for it. And be gentle with yourself—like a food nutrition plan, you’re allowed to have junk food once in awhile and some plans involve cheat days. Don’t go overboard with the metaphorical junk food but keep an eye on it.

You've heard that you are what you eat; well you are what you feed your brain too. Mental nutrition is important, it matters, and so do you.

How to Effectively Deal with Difficulty or Failure

This is about retraining the brain. Instead of asking why this is happening to you; CHOOSE to acknowledge that everything is happening FOR you and not TO you. This is the first step in leading toward a more solutions-based mindset that will then lead you away from the thing that isn’t working and toward your vision of what “success” looks like.

You can of course, take time to mourn the failure or thing that didn't work, but at some point soon after take time to reflect on what you can learn from the failure and how you can pivot and eventually turn that loss into a win. Everything happens for a reason but only if you choose that mindset.

Take a look at your coping skills and mechanisms. Avoiding dealing with the failure or numbing the pain with alcohol or substances or excessive anything is not a solution and will only prolong the pain and might even make the effects of the failure worse. Instead, go back to reframing the failure as a lesson and find ways to cope by taking care of your physical and mental wellness. 

Take responsibility if it's required and be vulnerable with the person, persons, or entity who was affected by the failure. If it’s appropriate, express that you wish to work toward a more successful outcome and ask for feedback and assistance if necessary.

And don’t forget to forgive yourself. You are a human being and doing the best you can with the information you have at the moment.

Lean into failure—own it, wrestle with it, and learn from it. Failing doesn’t make you a failure, it simply allows you to move closer toward success. You’ve bounced back before and you’ll do it again.