Hey there friends, amigos, amies,
This here is another sneak peek into my book (which is fo-sho coming out in September '13). The part you're about to read is a fun (kinda fratboy-ish) little section in the book where I've just joined my first writing group (to appease a certain someone). Hilarity and embarrassment ensue. Hope you enjoy...
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Matt had each of us tell an amusing or embarrassing story about ourselves or someone we know. Colonel Sanders, Lollapalooza Guy, and the two comedians all went before me, each telling a tale of the amusing variety. Not to be outdone I decided to tell my “Cocoa Pebbles” story—a chilling account of hunger, unrequited love, and rancid diarrhea.
Cocoa Pebbles and the One That Got Away
Right after high school my friend Hsoj and I got cast in a community theatre production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in Asbury Park, New Jersey. In between a matinee and an evening performance, I, Hsoj, and our new friend Mike, got hungry and bored, so we all took a long walk to a sandwich shop where we each bought a greasy, fatty, footlong cheesesteak and an extra-large soda.
Shortly after finishing our meals, the three of us played around for a little bit on the boardwalk until Hsoj’s metabolism went into overdrive causing all the meat and soda he had just consumed to run through him like a chocolate river. The closest place that was open that had a public restroom was at the theater in which we were performing.
After a mad and labored dash back to the theater, Hsoj was stricken with terror because the theater was locked and there were no other open buildings in sight. Desperate, Hsoj climbed a ladder along the side of the building to a balcony that had an entrance into the theater. But that door was locked as well. Sweating and swearing, Hsoj climbed up two more stories only to be denied entry by a locked door each time. When Hsoj got to the very top of the building he couldn’t hold it in anymore and relieved himself on a pile of brown pebbles. He then cleaned his underside with a few pieces of stray cardboard he was fortunate were casually lying around.
Embarrassed and ashamed, Hsoj begged us not to tell anyone about what he had just occurred. But later in the day, Hsoj found out that Mike had decided it would be funnier to take some of our cast mates, including a girl that Hsoj liked, on a tour to the top of the building to show them his brown masterpiece. For the next week Hsoj was affectionately known to our cast mates as “Cocoa Pebbles.” The girl that Hsoj liked felt so much pity toward him, that she bought him a roll of Scott Tissue and never spoke to him again.
Lessons in Storytelling
By the time I finished my story, my teacher and classmates were all grimacing and looking down at the ground. After a brief awkward silence, PJ snickered like a frat boy, slapped his knee and yelled out, “Dude, Hsoj was totally you.” I think everyone else had beaten him to that conclusion. With “Cocoa Pebbles” I learned an important and timeless truth: all poop stories are not created equal, mine being in the categories of “unfunny” and “painfully embarrassing.” ....
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Thanks for reading!! And as always feedback is welcome :)
-J
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