Last week I went to Quebec to do a speaking engagement, driving east from Ottawa (yes, Ontario), through Montréal to a town called Sherbrooke. The further east I went, the fewer English speakers I encountered and all road signs, menus, and thought bubbles (okay, maybe just the first two) were all in French.
When I got home to Los Angeles, I had several friends from the US and Canada ask, “Did you get the third degree from those snooty French Canadians who think they’re better than everyone else, and who look down on English speakers?”
My response: “No, they were actually pretty cool. I entered and exited every conversation with ‘Bonjour’ and ‘Au revoir’ or “Bonne journée’ and fumbled through a few restaurant orders in French until I admitted my French sucked.”
The French Canadians I encountered were happy I tried and both surprised and pleased with my vulnerability (their English wasn’t much better than my French).
Even in a ten second encounter with a relative stranger, I always try to develop some kind of rapport. And that is something that broadens to many parts of life.
You want to elicit a response or reaction from someone to whom you want something from—be it a confirmation of remorse, a business deal, a sign that they took your concern to heart—speak to them the way the prefer, their own language. Not your usual drawn-out examples, or cutting remarks, or flowery language. If they prefer cut and dry, then that’s how you make your statement or request. If they prefer a sweeter tone and a gentle disposition, then work on that and use it to give the person the space to process your words and find greater capacity to acquiesce or compromise to your needs.
Even if your French sucks, your empathy is lacking, or your rapport is weak—vulnerability, admitting your shortcomings, almost always saves the day.
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